YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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