12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
