Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
