We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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