HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
