my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
