you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
