i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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