well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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