The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
