The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
