dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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