Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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