I want you more than these girls want KFC
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
