Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
