I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am available for nakedness
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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