im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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