Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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