Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
