New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
