so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
