I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
