I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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