Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
