i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
