three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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