i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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