it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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