he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
