if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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