It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
