Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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