im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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