I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize