All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
