I am puke
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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