how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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