I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
