Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
there was a trapeze. enough said
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
