she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
