Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
