her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
