i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
