Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
