the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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