wrigley field is MILF paradise
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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