So drunk its hurt
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
