I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
