Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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