they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
