shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
