batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
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