Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
