my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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