so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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