I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she pinky promised me she was 18
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
