That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
