I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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