I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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