he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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