I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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