Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
