I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
