Welp...herpes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
