I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
