At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
