he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you had me at cake vodka
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
