If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
