Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
