She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize